Movies are stupid

Right, i've been sick for about a day, so I'm gonna ramble for a bit. Feel free to skip this post.

I love how stupid movies are.

Or, more specifically, how stupid the whole idea is. You sit and watch a film, getting involved and worked up over something that is obviously not real. I know that Marty McFly is just a (great) performance by a sleep deprived Michael J Fox. None of it ever happened. Yet, damned if I don't sit on the edge of my seat when the Doc is hanging from the clock tower trying to push the wire into the plug. (Dum-dum, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum, dum-dum -dum, duuuummmmm duuummmmm duummmmm!)

As far as I understand it, the human brain isn't wired for film. You just accept things you see, because in nature stuff that you see is pretty much there. Even the best books, don't make you jump. They rare;y make you laugh out loud. There's just something visceral and gut level about film. So like everyone else, I feel a little silly when I get sad or happy at ET dying, the Ghostbusters coming out of that hole in front of the skyscraper, or the Falcon barreling towards the Death Star.

So you can only imagine how silly I feel when I have an emtional response to a mde up character I created. Occassionally when watching the actors do scenes from the films, i get involved. I feel sorry for them, happy for them, laugh at them, even though I know it's just my mate standing in front of some lights, reading some lines I hacked out. It's utterly silly, but I can't help it.

So my only hope is that when it's all cut together, music is added and the film shown to some people who've never met me, I'll make them feel stupid.

But hey, if it doesn't, I'll just make another film that will.

Eoin

Scheduling

Haven't really had time to go into all the things that have happened in the last week or two. I'll probably update on specific days when i get a chance.

As predicted, the second week has gone a little bit awry. The actor availability is shot to fuck, people are tired and locations keep falling through. We're almost two thirds of the way through our shooting schedule and we've not quite half of the film shot. Even with my dubious maths, that's bad.

But the good news is, John, Milene and Emily are now very available. We can just motor on. This forthcoming week will be hectic, but in the best way possible. We'll just motor on and get done everything we need to do. There will inevitably be some bits we don't get. I'll come up from Dublin and we'll just get them after principal photography has ended. I'm not particularly worried. There's no point. We just soldier on. Making a film is fun. If i started getting stressed, well, that wouldn't be fun.

Eoin

Emily shouts at PJ

Emily has been busy all week with her thesis, but very generously gave up her Wednesday to shout at PJ. At least, that's how it seemed. We filmed the scene where they meet at the start of the film and the scene at the end. In both scenes she shouts at PJ. A better writer would claim it was syncronicty or intentional mirroring or something. I'm pretty sure it's just a slightly shoddy writing and a great excuse to have PJ berated for most of the day.

The two characters meet in a huge white, oddly shaped lecture theatre. Emily then takes a very long walk in a single take over to PJ. Shots wise, i was going for a Kubrick (big white room, shot symmetrically to emphasise the strange geometry) and a Lean (character takes their time just walking towards camera) I suspect that it's a bit more Kevin Smith, but you should aim high, right?

We then had to stage it and realised the only way to get the second part of the scene to work was to get the characters to walk over to an imaginary door in the side of the theatre. So out went my lovely Kubrick opening shot, since it blatantly did not have out imaginary door. We could have CGI'ed it in, but that might have quadrupled our budget and been a bit silly.

Then we filmed the scene at the end where they fight some more. It's the big emotional climax of the film. Me being me though, it ends with a joke. Michael's delivery of it is superb. So much so that every time he did, he made the leads corpse/laugh loudly off camera every single time.

Eoin

Girls in bed

We spent Tuesday morning filming “Girl in Bed” and “morning after with Charlotte” Both of these scenes involved morning after in bed with girls the lead character is supposed to have pulled the night before. On a low budget film like this, you have quite the problem. You can't pay people, so people are less than eager to be even scantily clad, never mind naked. I don't need it for titilation reasons, but the reality of the film is ruined if people wake up and get out of bed fully dressed. We had to just fudge it a bit. Hopefully no-one notices how well dressed people are in the morning. Apart from that the scenes are great. The actors' deliveries are spot on and Girl in Bed (arguably the film's stand-out character) is very funny.

So i have to accept funny and lose out on funny in their underwear. I can't wait to have a film with a budget.

Eoin

NB, this post is entirely tongue in cheek. I did not want scantily clad actors.

Night shoot

Boring and meandering preamble: This is a film I've been working on in some capacity roughly SIX years. I remember when i was about 17 and in lower sixth i was ranting at a friend. "I can write a better romcom than any of the shit hollywood make, and i've never even been in love."
Well, i've since finished school, university and actually been in love (once)*

The film pretty much always started with a post pub walk home. It was one of the things i never thought was captured on film properly. The weird mix of drink, sillyness, unusual bloke honesty and sheer buzz of being alive. It's gone through many drafts and changed a lot. It was surreal at one point, kowing and freeze frame/voice overy at others. Now it's played pretty straight, but the feelings always been the important thing.

And a few nights ago we filmed it. It's weird, but that scene has always been the film for me. Which is kind of telling, that my favourite scene in the romantic comedy is bloke bonding. But anyway, it was important to me and I'd been worrying a lot about it.

And it's perfect.

Really is. It's nothing like i imagined, but everything i wanted. God that's a bit wanky. Point is, it's not what i expected, but it's great. Conor the Director of Photography did a SUPERB job. It looks stunning, with Queens looming over them and great definition on their faces, wtihout losing any atmosphere. Some of it could well end up as publicity stills or the back of the DVD case.

PJ and Sam did a great job. Sam doesn't drink, which had me worried at first. But a few takes and he got into it and really nailed it. He and PJ, despite knowing each other a week, have a great chemistry. There's a relaxed looseness in the scene that makes it really feel right. Sam puts a nice warmness in a character, who in my script, is a boring nag. PJ gets the character, but i knew he would.

Right, i'm gonna start gushing. I know they'll read this and become harder to work with. If it helps, on set i do nothign but berate, mock and undermine them, so they are nothing more than maleable dough in my hands.

I'm happy my favourite scene is not shite though.

Eoin

* That sounds like i'm not any more. I'd like to state for the record that i'm still quite fond of my girlfriend :-P

Edible underwear

Making a movie is fun. Surreal fun. There was always a gag in the script, going waaaay back to earlier drafts, about people getitng the munchies and only being able to eat edible underwear. We sent Derm (the actor playing Boris, and all round lovely bloke) to buy some. He came back with forty pounds worth. Considering our entire budget is £200, that was a serious dent. We hadn't expected him to buy that much, but dammit, if the scene didn't look well.

A shocking array of underwear, male and female thongs, bras, handcuffs and even suspenders (including clips and ribbons) were all there. Remember those little candy sweets you got on a string bracelet things. Like those, only bigger. Huge in fact. They tate awful and there's no way you could ever eat the whole thing, or anything approaching it in less than about four hours. The actors complained the whole way through, because they tasted so bad.

The next few days however, they could be foudn randomly picking up the edible underwear and eating it. Two days later. Not even kept in a box. Nibbling on a man thong. Shudder.

I'm still not sure why Derm felt we needed to have three large tubs of nipple arousal gel. There's no call for it in the scene. But who am i to judge.

eoin

PS, yes, a worrying amount of the "props" went walkabouts after the scene.

Homeless...

Turns ou that making a movie really doesn't leave much time to blog things. Especailly when you're homeless.

Yeah, my contract ran out, so i was crashing at PJ's (the producer) house, in one of the rooms that was also the set. Now I'm at my brothers. I knew this would happen. It's a hastle, but it makes for much cooler interview stuff, shoudl the film ever make it big. "Yeah, it was low budget. I crashed in the set. I was so cool and bohemian, man"

It didn't help that, depite applying months ago and sending emails and leaving voicemail, i finally got a hold of the accommodation people at Dublin City University, where I'm going after the film is made. She said, and i quote "If you haven't heard from us by now, you mustn't have a room. I suggest you start looking for accommodation". Well, gee. Thank you, ya stupid bint. Luckily i've a brother in Dublin too, that i can crash with him when term starts, until i find a house. Ah, the joys of a big family.

The funniest part was where i hadn't shaved in a week, and was wearing my beloved, but ripped Ramones top at Common Grounds. I had no change, so PJ bought me the sandwhich. I announced that as of 3pm, i was offiicially homeless. The watiress overheard some of this, and when i said i didn't want a drink, she practically insisted i get something. She then told me that water was free, i shouldn't worry.

I have officially crossed the line from bohemian to hobo.

Eoin

Second days filming - downtown Belfast.

The follwoing is cribbed from MSN. It's 1.30 and i've an early start. Sorry for typos and grammar.

I was an optimist today.

We arrived down and we'd two scenes, the important scene that i wanted sunshine for
and the other scene that we could get anywhere, but i decided to do downtown
so we were downtown at 9am.

That's very early on a sunday morning.

And it was overcast and threatening to rain.

I had to decide whether to get important scene in shite weather and not waste a day if it rained. It worked perfectly. Bit of drizzle over the first scene, and the second scene, where i wanted nice weather, was great. I may try optimism again some day.

Despite a 12 year old girl walking up to a few feet from the camera and staring in
and a bunch of twnety odd whino's who derided us for not filming them and therefore failing to "show reality". It was pretty smooth, by our standards.

Performances were shcckinlgy good.

Filmed the stoner scene was a touch...method mayhaps
Worked perfectly, particularly at the end of the scne where they were supposed to get the giggles. Really got them. Genuine hysterics. Very amusing

filmed 9am-1.30pm, then captured and looked at footage, then chilled, home 9-10ish.

The footage is great. It loosk like a real movie. Can't wait to let an editor at it.

eoin

The thoughts of PJ, producer and star.

PJ Hart, Producer and Actor in Craic Addicts, presents this blog entry because he has drank too much cola and can't sleep. Stuff like this, and other things that you don't care about can be found on his own blog at http://outboundlight.livejournal.cpm

“So we've started! Friday night was a little bit of a stress because our equipment guy showed up quite late. We all jumped up every time the door knocked but we were fooled first by Cathy and later by Cathy's pizza delivery before we actually got us some cameras. But we did, and that's what matters.

We started making a film.

I basically got thrown in the deep end, and the first scene I had to do involved one of the things about this film that I was a bit nervous about, namely sharing a bed with one of my female friends. After a few takes I was pretty much cool with it, but it didn't help that her brother was on the crew.

After that, I got to work with Sam. I hadn't acted with him in well over a year and he's still awesome. I can't believe I cleaned my room for the film and the first scene we shot in it had to be set dressed as a total mess. Oh well. The stills photographer turned up during this scene and got some great photos of me lying half naked in my own filth. I mean Fozzie's filth. Ahem. Honest.

8 30 on a Sunday morning. Apparently it exists. yes folks, We conducted this painstaking research so that you didn't have to. Despite my hangover, I actually rather enjoyed the shoot. I've never worked with Emily before, and I have to say that she is a lot of fun on screen and off. That... sounds weird but what I mean is that she's a good actress and also cool to talk to between takes. There's nothing worse than working with people you cant bullshit with. Well, maybe cholera is worse. And probably a lot of other things. But Anyway.
We got some shots of Belfast looking totally awesome, so if anyone sees the film and decides to come here solely on that basis, they shall be harshly disappointed. I shall make an effort to apologise in person. Or maybe make Eoin do it.

So then we got a little high to film the stoner scene and that helped take the edge off the ole hangover. We had lots of fun improving about ducks and the Lagan and plugs and what not. It was much fun, but there is only so much one man can laugh. I swear I thought I was going to run out of laughter and shrivel into a cold dead husk.

Husk is a great word. It was in Peep Show, which I watched on Saturday and I was reminded of it's brilliance. Go on, say it.

"Husk."

hehe.

So we captured some footage later (after Simon provided us with food, which was lovely) and I have to say, parts of this film are going to look really fucking good. Like I'm looking at the dailys, and one of the tapes ends on this shot of us sitting near the Lagan and the clock is there and everything and... shit, I'm thinking this looks like it could be on the back of a DVD box.”

Conventional Casting Wisdom

Conventional Casting Wisdom: Never cast your mates.

My film is filled with my mates.

This at first seems a bad idea. But I didn't just randomly choose my mates cos i'm too lazy and unprofessional. There's way more to it, than my lazy, unprofessional attitude.

Firstly, I did auditions. Lots of auditions. Well, i tried. The only Northern Irish actors agency folded around the time of my auditions, so they weren't much help. So i tried to get out the word, via email, word of mouth and a few posters. Unfortunately I was in final year, so i could only really do that after term ended. This meant that most of the drama students had buggerred off to whereever they come from (Hell, mostly. Some from Fermanagh. Same thing)

One of the most useful rules i was ever told about film-making was the rule of halfs. Loads of people e-mail you. Half will repsond to a mention of a specifiic time and date. Half of those people who arrange a specific time will turn up. Half of those people will have the look/personality. Half of those will have acting ability as well. You always end up with many fewer auditioners than you thought.

So I audition a load of folk. Most of them quite talented. All of them friendly and polite. Some of them a touch odd. And here's the thing; most of my mates that auditioned got parts. Now, it should be noted that some of them are actor folk anyway in some capacity. Only one has never acted before. I'm tired so I'll briefly run over the

They know the style fo the film. Some of them have read the full script, but generally they just know the tone i like. No amount of audition actor directing can compensate for knowing what i want.

My mates are lower key. I wanted realistic. Some people put in superb performances, that were it a play or a TV sitcom, would be perfect. But for soemthing as semi-realistic as this, it just didn't work.

I've worked with them before. I know where they live. They'll be there. Even if they weren't good, (which they are) on a film like this, with zero budget, you have no contracts. If an actor quite halfway through, the film is sunk. As a general rule of no budget films, better a reliable bad actor, than a brilliant one who'll quit or leave you hanging.

A lot of casting is down to a vibe. That's pathetically vague, but some of the characters in this film are bastards, and it's no fun to have bastards playing bastards. You want someone nice so that the audience like them and enjoy being with the, It also makes everything they do more personal. Some people did great readings, but weren't innocent enough to get away with the characters more extreme actions. The people all chosen have the right vibe, a chunck of talent and take direction well. With that, i can do anything. If there's a bad performance in the film, it's my fault.

Frankly anyone who thinks people got the roles through nepotism can watch all the audition tapes and point out anyone they think is better.

It's not all perfect. I'm on the third day of shooting and I've already lost one friend. Not one of my closest, and i always keep a bunch of extra friends in case, but still a shame.

Oh, and the best thing about havign a cast made out of 50% existing friends...It's a fucking mad laugh. :-)

Eoin

This blog

Conventional Wisdom: When working on a ful length film, you should give it a lot of time and energy.

My Approach: Writing a blog, talking on MSN and hanging with my friends is a lot less effort.

Result: I'm late for a scheduling meeting, a costume meeting and an actress rehearsal.

This blog is a bad idea. But hey, it's more fun for you to read about a disaster, than it is for me to quietly make a good movie.

eoin

First comes the pointing, then the laughter.

Welcome to "how not to make a movie". Wow, i really should have capitalised that. Well, that'll give you an indication of the care and effort i intend not to take with this blog. This is an attempt a chronicle of an attempts to make a full length film.

It's not a series of How To's, more a mixture of on-set diary and mad ramblings. I'll list all the parts where i thought i was too good/clever to go with established rules and wisdom. Then i'll list all the ways it has bitten me in the ass.

The film is Craic Addicts, a no budget, slice of life, romantic comedy doofer, set in Belfast, Northern Ireland. It's going to be about 95 minutes long. And awesome. I swear.*

Eoin

*Note, that may be a giant lie.